


Roll For It

by secretshush



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Characters play D&D, Dungeons & Dragons Campaign, Dungeons & Dragons References, M/M, just at the end, shiro isn't actually in it much at all, theyre playing dnd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 02:16:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18863704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretshush/pseuds/secretshush
Summary: "Lance plays a bard for Keith’s D&D campaign and while Keith is not surprised in the slightest at his character choice, it’s still the bane of his existence."





	Roll For It

**Author's Note:**

> I made this entire account just to post this lol.
> 
> Anyway, I saw [ this post ](https://slimequest.tumblr.com/post/183946477328/fellow-dms-listen-to-me) and decided to write a thing. :p It's rated M just cuz of like, excessive sexual suggestiveness, but it's not actually that bad at all.
> 
> Enjoy!

Lance is a bard. Of course Lance is a bard. After talking to him for two seconds anyone could tell he's a bard. Every dominant trait he exhibits just screams bard, and he has the charisma anyway. Lance plays plenty of D&D though so obviously he doesn’t ONLY play bards but he definitely has a penchant for them. A natural pull toward their playstyle. Notably, the style of talking and _seducing_ your way out of a situation.

Lance plays a bard for Keith’s campaign and while Keith is not surprised in the slightest at his character choice, it’s still the bane of his existence. 

“Alright well fuck it then, I wanna seduce the guard!” Lance exclaims. The chorus of groans that crops up is to be expected, though some are more amused than others.

“Oh my god first those bandits on the edge of town earlier and now this guard? How many encounters do you think you can fuck your way out of, Lance?” Pidge asks, a little entertained but still a little sympathetic to Keith as a fellow DM.

“Hey, do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t get you killed, I’m happy to not have to waste the few spell slots I have left healing your ass.” Hunk says after, a smile on his face at Lance’s typical antics. And really, the less wasted spell slots the better in his opinion. In Keith’s opinion however, he's had enough of his one-trick-pony of a player.

“Absolutely fucking not, I refuse to let you avoid another encounter like that!” Keith slams his hands on the table. “How do you expect to get experience if you never fucking fight any of the enemies I _laboriously_ plan out and put in front of you! You've already skipped TWO of my boss battles and forced me to improvise shit on the spot for you!” Keith yells. Pidge gives him verbal pat on the back for “using a big word.” Lance is having none of it though.

“Uh, you can give me experience for being creative and using my character’s skills instead of just running in and stabbing the first thing I see!” That’s clearly a jab at Keith's playstyle (he doesn't see anything wrong with shooting first and asking questions later, what's Lance's problem?) but he doesn’t actually get the chance to defend himself as Lance continues. “And honestly, we’re a bard, a cleric, and a ranger, we’re clearly not a heavy combat centered party! YOU should know how to take that into consideration, DM!” Lance punctuates his speech with a finger pressed aggressively to Keith’s chest, courtesy of them sitting close to each other. Keith swipes it aside and points his own finger at Lance.

“It’s not creativity when you do the same thing every time you want to avoid an encounter! You could stealth, or intimidate-”

“Oh like I could-”

“Or persuade or deceive! Or use your charisma for ANYTHING other than always _fucking_ my goddamn NPC’s.”

Hunk and Pidge are used to their squabbles by now and settle in for the ride as Lance and Keith launch into their argument. Hunk watches on, happily entertained by the idiots in front of him, while Pidge reaches for another cookie and sips her drink. God they’re really going at it this time. Hunk and Pidge roll their eyes at what they had dubbed a long time ago as a lovers quarrel, much to the chagrin of Lance and Keith themselves. That didn’t stop them from having them though, and today in Keith’s basement, is no different. A minute of yelling later, the quarrel seems to come to a head.

“You know what? Fine. You can keep trying to seduce whoever you want, but it’s not a free action anymore.” Keith says, suddenly calm.

Or maybe today _is_ different?

“What?” Lance blinks. Hunk and Pidge blink with him, just as surprised at Keith's change in demeanor.

“I’m not going to let you skip encounters anymore, if you want to seduce your way of shit? Fine, you’re gonna roleplay it. You’re gonna roleplay all of it. First, roll seduction normally to see if he’s even interested.” Keith’s sly smile is very unsettling to Lance.

“Wh-? I-! I’m not gonna-!” Lance falters.

“What, you can’t handle a little roleplaying? A little _seduction?_ I thought you were a bard.” Of course, the challenge in his words is obvious. “Seduce me, Lance.” Keith demands, somehow with a straight face. Lance growls to himself, face growing warm, and rolls, checking his sheet.

“25 total.”

“Oh, excellent, he’s totally interested, you're the hottest person he's seen in his whole life and he's ecstatic you're interested in him as well. In fact, he eagerly invites you inside the barracks right now. Says don’t worry, the other guards are scattered pretty far today, no one will catch us. I assume you _happily_ follow him since this was your idea in the first place, yes?” Keith is in way too much control here, Lance needs to spin this around fast but it’s hard to get over his embarrassment.

“Ugh, yeah, YES, I follow him.” He can feel his face getting redder.

“Alright, what do you do?”

“Aw come ON Keith you’re not really going to make me do this are you?”

Keith just levels him with a look. Lance’s frustration finally bubbles over enough to cover his embarrassment.

“Alright, alright! Fine I fucking _sashay_ into the room with him and start kissing him! Happy?”

“Roll for it.”

“Seriously!?”

Pidge and Hunk have been chuckling along with this but neither of them thought Keith was this serious… are they really about to…?

“...17?”

“Hmm… Yeah alright, the guard thinks you’re pretty good, he's grabbing at your hair and starts trying to get his armor off without leaving the kiss for too long.”

“Obviously I help him out with that.”

“Roll.”

The fire of challenge rages clear in Lance and Keith’s eyes, even despite Lance's embarrassment, but the atmosphere outside of it is quickly becoming remarkably uncomfortable. Pidge and Hunk are trading nervous glances.

“You both successfully strip down to nothing. He lays down on one of the beds and beckons you to follow.”

“Wait, does he think I’m gonna top? What the fuck kind of bard do you think I am?”

“Ugh, you can ride him he doesn’t care, do you get on top of him or not?”

_Oh dear lord._

“Yes I fucking get on top of him.”

“Alright I’m gonna need you to roll to insert-” At that Pidge stands, her chair screeching across the floor, and slams both hands on the table to interrupt wherever _that_ was going.

“Nope, no no nope, I am NOT listening to you two roleplay sex, not today, not ever.”

“Yeah wow great session guys, I think I’m just gonna go home early today.” Hunk says quickly and gets up too to follow Pidge out. Lance turns to them, eyes still blazing with a mixture of his normal competitiveness and burning, obvious humiliation.

“Sit the fuck back down we are not done here, I am not doing this in vain! You two are sneaking the fuck into the camp right now!”

At least Keith has the decency to realize he should be embarrassed now too, eyes a little wider, face a little redder. Doesn’t mean he’s a quitter though.

“Okay, Lance roll… let’s say athletics, to keep a steady rhythm while I cut back to these two.”

“What! Athletics?! Come on, can’t I roll… like… performance? Or something?”

“Really? Performance? Ugh fine, whatever, Hunk, Pidge, you watch Lance follow the guard into the barracks, what are you two going to do?”

“I’m gonna fuckin' _off_ myself for having to hear you two mimic fucking each other, what the hell!”

“We’re not-”

“Yeah uh I’m with Pidge here, I love you guys, but not enough to want to know what you do in private.”

“We don’t-!” And with that the basement descends into the chaotic yelling typical of their D&D group, if not a little less _appropriate_ than usual.

Upstairs, in the living room, book abandoned on his lap, a very regretful Shiro pinches the bridge of his nose wondering why the _fuck_ he didn’t go out that night.


End file.
